


Imperfect Perfection

by dragonnan



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Feelings, Fluff and Angst, Friendship/Love, Inspired by Fanfiction, Past Rape/Non-con, Post Season 4, Sequel, nothing detailed, nothing graphic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-12
Updated: 2020-06-12
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:21:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24676837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dragonnan/pseuds/dragonnan
Summary: “My... gift... allows humans to release their inhibitions.  They find themselves exploring those hidden desires in their hearts that, without my influence, they may well choose to keep buried.”  His mouth opened, only to exhale.  His tongue wet his lip as he appeared to feel out the shape of his words.  “But that's just it, isn't it.  Without me... without my influence... would they have ever considered doing those things at all?  In some way I've wondered if I...” his head lifted, then, and Chloe was nearly breathless at the pain that creased around his eyes.  “Did I do this to myself?”Inspired by the heartbreaking 3rd chapter of the short story collection, "Imperfect" by IceQueen1 (I really encourage reading that story first!)
Relationships: Chloe Decker/Lucifer Morningstar
Comments: 7
Kudos: 54





	Imperfect Perfection

**Author's Note:**

  * For [IceQueen1](https://archiveofourown.org/users/IceQueen1/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Imperfect](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12288942) by [IceQueen1](https://archiveofourown.org/users/IceQueen1/pseuds/IceQueen1). 



The file had been gathering dust long before her curiosity had come across that thin folder. Of all the oddities that had arisen with her research this one had barely rated a glance. A complaint from one Lucifer Morningstar regarding one of his customers. She'd read through it briefly, at the time, before moving on to the mystery of his undisclosed past. She'd never really meant to return to it, at the time. There was a case to solve, after all, and a murdered singer had ranked a bit higher than an incidental jacket from a nightclub owner.

And then she'd been shot.

And then she'd shot Lucifer.

And then Palmetto had raised its ugly head, once more.

And then Malcolm, and Charlotte, and Candy, and Pierce, and...

Lucifer's face...

And all that had followed and before she knew it she was standing before Lucifer on his balcony and saying goodbye because... because he...

She'd tried going back to normal, while he was gone. Because he'd said forever and for him that went so far beyond the limited scope of... humans. Of her. Because forever, for him, truly was forever. As in the afterlife she'd never believed in would also mean, still, never seeing him again. Because he wasn't allowed back and how messed up was it that she considered, truly considered, what sins would be required to go down instead of up. That she might not want eternal peace and fluffy clouds...?

So she'd gone back to normal even though nothing could possibly be normal, anymore. Normal had been rewritten and what she had, of her life, no longer fit within the confines of what it had been before.

She'd missed him.

Oh, she'd missed him.

So, once again, she'd found herself opening old (ancient) files. Only, now, she'd read them with new eyes. And, maybe, she'd been searching, too. Something, a clue, to... Well, maybe it didn't have to be forever and...

But then she'd found (rediscovered) that old police report.

Nothing had ever come of it – at least according to the few typed pages that screamed “waste of time”. And, maybe, she could have agreed, once upon a time. But that had been before she'd known Lucifer. Before she'd _really_ known.

“ _I've never lied to you.”_ Which, granted, left a whole lot to play with in regards to merely sidestepping the truth via omission but... but there was something else he'd never done for as long as she'd known him. Lucifer had never called the cops. Not about a problem at Lux and certainly not for a personal offense. Why...? Why had he called them, then?

“ _What will your corrupt little organization do about this?”_

One of the first things he'd asked her; when he'd still been halfway towards suspect in a homicide and just prior to the joint investigation she'd never asked for.

But, once again, life got in the way of her curiosity and long before she'd ever been able to wrap her mind around forever, it was suddenly... not. And she'd been clutching an armful of tattered angel still rank with the stench of sulphur and death and she'd never wanted to let go – couldn't bear to let go...

They'd had an evening together, some weeks after this, where their chaotic life had lifted its claws from their every waking hour long enough to allow for, dare she say it, a break? Not long enough to be called a vacation but long enough, at least, to linger in bed and engage in something as banal as conversation.

And somehow she'd found herself asking about that odd little incident that had traveled with her for so many years without an answer. A minor mystery that lent itself to idle chatter. The casual shrug and initial subject change towards something more fun, like which flavor of ice cream sauce she'd like drizzled across her naked form, had been expected and oddly... comforting? Familiar. And, as things stood between them now, capable of drifting from silly flirting to actuality were she to...

But for that very brief... easily overlooked disquiet in his eyes... hesitation.

“They didn't like you. The officers who responded. The only thing they wrote in the report was 'domestic disturbance' but there's more to that, isn't there. You and Maze handle any problems with Lux and the only times cops have been involved was because we were already here.” There's a question buried in there but she gives him enough freedom to suss it out rather than press.

“Surely the last thing you want to discuss would be unimportant blips on my rap sheet. Not when there are far more intriguing tidbits to be... explored...” And that grin – soft and smokey around the lips and that teasing lift in the corner – all gentle seduction and implication and while his mojo had never got inside her skin his heart certainly had and it was almost... _almost_ enough to make her let it go.

But for that look in his eyes. But for the fact that his tricks had never worked and his distraction tactics, rarely, worked. Not with that _look_. A look that had survived Malcolm and Charlotte and Eve and her own betrayal and Hell itself and all of the eons of suffering and history and through all of that... he still had that look.

Of pain that had never fully been covered over with dirt... the bare bones poking up through the soil.

Her fingers traced his cheekbone – so badly wanted to wrap around his shoulders. “You know you never have to talk about anything you don't want to, right?” Chloe tilted her head and let it rest more heavily on the pillow beneath her. “If this is something you'd rather keep in the past I can respect that. Of course I will always listen. But I understand the desire to not want to revisit old hurts. It's okay. We don't have to talk about it.”

Lucifer turned his head – lips pressing to her fingertips. The breath that slipped from his nose was warm on her palm.

But then his lips parted and the words pulled from him – as though the last of the interlocking tumblers had turned and the vault of his history had swung open – the brightness within spilling out bone white like the glow of moonlight.

“I've often wondered, in thinking back on... _it_... if it hadn't been some sort of punishment. A deserved one.” He still wouldn't meet her gaze but the hand that rested on her hip traced his thumb, softly, against her bare skin.

“My... _gift_... allows humans to release their inhibitions. They find themselves exploring those hidden desires in their hearts that, without my influence, they may well choose to keep buried.” His mouth opened, only to exhale. His tongue wet his lip as he appeared to feel out the shape of his words. “But that's just it, isn't it. Without me... without my influence... would they have ever considered doing those things at all? In some way I've wondered if I...” his head lifted, then, and Chloe was nearly breathless at the pain that creased around his eyes. “Did I do this to myself?”

Her head was shaking before the words managed to catch up. “Of course not. No, absolutely not.” And then she reached down to grasp his hand and pull it up between her breasts – leaning down to kiss his knuckles. “Lucifer, whatever happened to you was not your fault. You know, we'd talked about this, before... a long time ago. You told me humanity has free will – that G... uh... your _father_ gave us the ability to choose. So why would he give you a gift that takes that choice away? I mean I can't think of anyone who is more an advocate of free will than you are.”

“Why would my father offer a gift without massive strings attached? Are we even talking about the same Almighty?” But there was no heat in his voice. He just sounded so tired.

He left his fingers in her grasp – his eyes now looking so deeply into hers that she felt stripped of her flesh – bared far more than her current state of nudity. His lids were rimmed in pink and a droplet of wet collected in a lower eyelash. And then he rolled his face towards the ceiling. Not, as some may do when seeking answers – not really – but then, maybe he was? Because confused hurt draped itself around him in a cloak of bloodied wings.

“I t... I told her... no... I've not made a habit of turning anyone away. Always up for a good time, me. But that night I'd been involved in a...” he grimaced, “well, I just wasn't... in the mood, I suppose. She wanted me, though, and why wouldn't she. I'm the walking embodiment of carnal desire, after all. I certainly couldn't fault her enthusiasm. And I suppose I just... miscalculated. I didn't account for the sort of encounter she'd been seeking and I should have done. It isn't as though I'm a stranger to handcuffs or rough sex and in hindsight I... I can't think why I thought I should have reported her. I mean it isn't as though she were capable of physical harm – just a bit too free with the off-label I keep next to the bed. I never drink that much; try to be a bit sparing with that particular vintage.” His eyebrows pulled together; thoughtful, while Chloe was busy trying to catch her breath. “In hindsight I realize she must not have partaken. Well, not of the scotch, at any rate. Would have left her in a coma for a week and that's if it didn't kill her outright...”

“Wait... hold on... are you...?” Chloe blinked and finally, finally his eyes drifted to hers. “Lucifer are you telling me that...?”

His lips pressed so thin that his flesh went white at the seam. And whatever final truth had been about to spill past her suddenly fell like ash against the sheer weight of what he knew. _He knew_. Without her speaking its name.

So instead, her hand rested on his face while her thumb caught the moisture at its apex. And she spoke a different truth, instead.

“I love you.” _I'm sorry. I'm so sorry..._

And he took those words, both the spoken and silent, and held them in his lungs like a hit of nicotine. Their breath shared the warm space between them while his story made a slow circuit, feeling out its edges, before lifting away and fading against the stars.

She drifted with him. It was intimate in a way not even sex could offer. If they dozed it was in a strange, half waking state. She knew time passed and yet it was as though morning would never arrive. As if the night and her stars had been crafted for them and not even God would deign to move their passage in the heavens.

But... it did... pass.

Dawn was still cloaked in midnight when Lucifer pulled her against him – his lips resting against her forehead in an anointment of love.

She curled around him and put some serious consideration into early retirement and taking her pension right there in that spot – lingering against his breastbone.

His words, when he finally spoke, were more vibration than sound and so very soft.

“I love you.” _I need you..._

And she heard everything he said. And everything he didn't say. And she smiled.

And when morning did, finally, open blue eyes in the sky and lift the sun towards the crown at its peak it was to find only peaceful silence in the Devil's penthouse. Two figures twined in slumber – untroubled by the waxing day nor the past that had lingered between them.

And if the future had trials to come, well... they would just have to wait.

Because all that mattered, right then, was everything they had. And it was enough.

**Author's Note:**

> Huge thanks to IceQueen1 for the permission to write this story! Her writing is phenomenal and I hugely encourage checking out her stories which cover multiple genres!


End file.
